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If a realistic view of how people manipulate welfare programs and abuse incentives upsets you them perhaps you are part of the problem. Ten percent of our world population can do nothing useful. The US imprisons the most people of any country in the world and we have so many unfunded mandates the funding mechanism is on the brink of collapsing. Great post — looking at the comments it seems like you tapped into a vein that many struggle with.

I have three under 10 and am in my mids. My wife and I have been trying many different approaches. This could be either parent, a grandparent, another family member, a nanny or an au pair. This can be supplemented by school or pre-school, e. The challenge is then figuring out how to achieve that based on your own circumstances. It seemed a bit absurd to us that you could be working hard only to stay in the same place in fact you are net down as carers also need holidays, and you need to fill in some of the things they cannot do.

Neither of us wanted to be a full-time stay at home parent. Hence, our working solution like many things in life is a bit of a compromise. We both have flexible part-time consulting careers, and the kids are in school and pre-school on a limited basis. This allows for each of us to have meetings and days away on an ad-hoc basis.

We often find ourselves tag-teaming as single parents of 3 kids! It does mean you are on the outside for the big corporate money, and you are taking on risk as you are the first to be cut in a downturn. Strangely enough this slots in nicely with FI-stuff, the better the financial position, the more you can ride out the ups and downs. Also the lower your expenses, the less you need and the more able you are to work reduced hours.

Another tip is that you need lots of redundancy in your arrangements: people get sick, things go wrong or break, schools have closed days, holidays arrive, business propositions pop up. A tight schedule — e. We are in the unfortunate situation that while we want a family we are experiencing infertility so that has made it harder to plan. However, the time factor e. I mean I want FI, but when I consider all of the things that kids need financially it makes me think hopefully if we have kids that I will have to work until I am over 60 and I might just because I like my job.

Its good to hear you are striving for greatness! As a stay at home mom of 5 one is only 6 mo now its easy to forget that and give into tiredness and focus on getting dinner instead of enjoying eachother, which is really what its all about, thanks for the motivation! So exhausting. Time to wash the dishes. Time to clean the kitchen. Get everything ready before mama and little one wake up.

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I would add that there is nothing quite like a sibling s. So, I will give you the side of the coin where both parents my wife and me worked for the same Fortune company and were never home full time with our daughter. I was a month short of my 41st birthday when she was born in Northern CA. Shortly after, we moved to the midwest where our corporate office was located. We were lucky on many fronts. First, we stayed put until she was five. We had a professionally run, onsite, corporate daycare center provided by our company.

It was great because we could drop her off early and pick her up as late as pm. We could even pop in for a mid-day visit if needed. We also could pick her up earlier and bring her in her baby carrier back to our office to finish up some work if we wanted. My staff loved those days so they could play with her. Our daycare was very diverse which contributed positively to her early development.

We were invited to many diverse family get-togethers and celebrations and it was truly awesome! When she was five we moved to the Southwest. Again, we were fortunate to have a local Boys and Girls Club close to our house. They had all kinds of great programs and she loved being there. In fact, she loved it so much she ultimately transitioned from attendee to staff member and worked part-time during her high school years and summers. In August this year we dropped her off at her very good Northeastern University to begin her Freshman year of college.

She has been an awesome kid with a real love for service and especially anything focused around children. She was top 10 in her HS class of and involved in many activities. All her teachers loved her. She hopes to pursue a medical career with an emphasis on pediatrics. So, only speaking for us, we managed two high profile careers and somehow got a kid through her first 19 years of life without screwing her up too bad.

We were certainly fortunate to have the resources available to help us out but it can be done with the right planning and a bit of luck. I did intentionally turn down a couple of really good career opportunities in order to provide the stability we gave her. She attended K without us ever having to move and I think that was a real blessing and something that contributed to her overall development, confidence, and self-esteem. Everybody has to make do with their circumstances and do the best they can.

Nothing else seems even close. Things are a lot easier when kids are in school. We both work and have our 2nd little one on the way this December. But her going back part-time is definitely something we are thinking about strongly. We are also fortunate to have family very close by. My wife and I both work full-time 40 hour work weeks, but she takes care of things with the kids in the morning while I get up in the wee hours to head off to the office, allowing me to leave work just in time to pick up the kids and supervise their afternoon and early evening.

This might hurt my career because I always leave right on time, never make a work happy hour, and generally prioritize family over work as soon as I walk out the door each day. These things trump checking in with after hours work emails. Sam, my son was born in April, so I am in the same boat. Medical is the tough one, birth cost me 7k out of pocket plus a mnth with a employer plan. I like the podcast format. I listened to it on my way to work this morning. Hopefully, it will continue in the future. I know because I feel that way on the weekends sometimes.

I think we tend to romanticize parenthood to a certain extent. Given how I spend almost hours of my day on the weekend feeding a baby who refuses to eat and deal with all the crying and tantrums, I think all of our family is better off with my husband and me working. Almost six years ago, my wife and I decided to knuckle down and make sure that she could stay home to raise our first of two kids. It was something that was very important to us and especially to her.

We were debt free except a mortgage, so that truly enabled us to have my wife stay home. We actually sat down and did the comparison between continuing having both of us work and have her stay at home. After additional expenses, we were really only going to net out a couple hundred dollars per month.

That made the decision easy for us. No way to pay for everyday expenses, much less having to buy health insurance. So we would still have to have one of us working the 20 hours a week at Starbucks or something just to get insurance. One of the solutions to this issue is that I make sure to take days off of work to spend time with the kids.

Every Wednesday in the summer I take a half-day for me that means leaving at 10am and we plan some sort of activity with the kids. It could be just going to a park or on a hike, or it might be going to a big zoo or an amusement park. I also take time off to attend pre school activities that are during the day.

Anyway, thank you for this post. It was really insightful and has me refocus on those original goals we set up. And anyway, what do fulltime, hands-on parents actually do with all that time they spend with their kids? Structured activities? I have friends whose children are now in their teens, and who grew up with STAPs and a whole timetable brimming with SAs, and now they go crazy if they have some unstructured time on their hands.

I think the way daycare is dismissed in this blog entry is both shortsighted and unfair. What about all the socialising they do while at daycare? Is the socializing from age 2 or 5 onward not enough to develop social skills? I am surprise no one mentioned what I often refer to as tag teaming. I was fortunate that I was able to take a year off my career after each child. My husband and I were able to shift our hours. I would work early and be done by and he would start late in the day and work later into the evening.

The kids were in daycare only six hours and two of those hours was nap time. I never had any fears about being an older parent. My mother had me at 33 and went on to have three more. My youngest brother was born when she was She has always been super active and involved. I just assume that I inherited my grandmothers genes too. She passed away at 95 and was still driving at 92 and walking to church. And we still tag team with an 11 and 8 year old. One of us does mornings and the other is home after school.

When People Don’t Support Your Dreams – Fearful Adventurer

They are almost old enough to stay home for the 30 minutes it would take for husband to get off work and come home. We are both fortunate to have flexible jobs. I echo what others have said above, we think its even MORE important to be home now and in the future than when they were smaller. There are so many topics that come up in conversation that need to be discussed, especially with a middle schooler. I just assumed, and I think most people assume that taking care of a child or children is always going to be a team effort, a tagteam effort, no matter what scenario you find yourself in.

And when there is no team effort, resentment, bitterness, anger, frustration, and perhaps eventually divorce and ensues. I see so many parents we could divorced within seven years after having kids. But you provide a great example on how you guys make it work, so thank you! Hopefully more jobs can provide flexible schedules. I did not want to click this post of yours. But I did. The reason I did not want to was because it said 5 years as some important period in parenting.

If I were to tell whats to come, it kills the fun. It makes you biased, as a parent. Be spontaneous, and resilient. Have fun. Finally: All I can tell you is that your idea of 5 years is a joke to any experienced parent! I hope it lasts more than 5. How long were you a stay at home parent for and how many kids do you have?

This article rings home for me. My wife and I are aiming for number 2 during our early thirties over number 1 in our late thirties. Mostly due to the safety aspects for both mother and child of having a child earlier. I am extremely confused and disturbed by the reality that kids take effort and time equivalent to one adult full time job, maybe more my expectations pre baby was that baby goes to daycare all will be fine.

The reality that one parent has to stay home to have a somewhat balanced life in America, hits hard when its been six months in daycare and baby, mom and dad are all sick. In countries where labor is cheap, I see women balance this dilemma better. I currently work but am constantly torn by wanting to quit. Having pondered on it, and being strongly feminist, quitting just seemed wrong maybe because I didnt want to spend my full time taking care of my child either, and felt like I was falling into a trap of mediocrity, never to get back to a challenging intellectually stimulating environment again.

My conclusion however has been this: what I need is flexibility. I dont want to be a SAHM. I dont want to work a What I need is what you have created, a flexible business that makes money, and I am willing to put in the sweat equity now with one child, more than ever, for me the time to do this is right now. Flexibility is key. I still have it and it is amazing. Currently working from home because the kids have off from school. Unfortunately, they are playing on their ipads while I work for a few hours. But I typically spend the afternoons with them on days like this, which is better than if they were in school and I was at work.

Plus, they get to relax a bit and play. If we lived in a different area one with more kids then I would send them out to play. I am in the same boat. My son is 18 months. As a working mom, I am constantly struggling to balance being a good mom and work. At times, everything seems to be going smoothly. Recently, he got sick, caught it in daycare, it last 3 weeks.

The 3 weeks of extreme sleep deprivation and keeping up with a busy work schedule getting to worn me down, especially when I made a minor mistaken at work and the boss lecture me for an hour. I felt like being a mediocre worker and mom. The guilt of not being able to stay home with him when he is not feeling well makes me feel guilty. This fires me up to save as much as I can to be FI and to have more options. Although I like working, I need flexibilities. We both work. Both engineers. There are a number of things here I would like to add. My wife craved adult interaction…even during maternity leave.

It was exhausting. I worked all day to come home to a mad house and my poor wife felt as if it was my turn when I came home. It was torture…for both of us. Not that twins is ever easy. But when we both went back to work…we were on the same wavelength. We both faced the same challenges, have the same outlets and it works. Had two nannies at different periods and have just stepped into a German Au Pair. Its fun.

It works for us. Our kids lack for nothing…and most importantly and I say that seriously , we can provide them with a happy home and a great marriage. This is so key. Some who go to work can come home full of energy to talk to the partner who has been starved of adult interaction. It was not for either of us. And honestly….

I doubt it would suit many here either.

What Happens When an Algorithm Helps Write Science Fiction

I say this in the most politically correct manner possible and it has been alluded to in a few posts above Hillary , but it is very hard to return to work. I have two HR friends, both young women, who actually have a term for women who have been out of the workforce. True story. There is something to this. The corporate drive, the realignment to what actually is more important childcare and well being does not change the fact that they are no longer of the same caliber employee before they left.

That is not my opinion…and I am not trying to flame an argument but it is a real thing. Both parents balancing raising kids, a loving marriage and two jobs is not easy. But if you CAN pull it off…. Think of the example you are setting. No better way to guide than to be the example you want to teach. The over protection, over parenting of some kids is definitely showing up in some traits in Americas recent young adults.

Something to watch for. Responsibility and independence is important. People should be careful as to not overdoing it. These kids need to go to college and work and leave the next…preferably in the very early twenties: :. I worked full time and my wife chose to be a stay at home mom and raise three kids. She never felt any reason to restart her career since she was plenty busy taking care of the home and volunteering even after the kids became grown.

I made plenty of money so she just early retired and eventually I joined her. Life is great, we do so much together and almost that much separately and have full lives. Our kids are successful. I never felt working full time as a dad while their mom was full time at home deprived the kids at all. She got to choose exactly what she wanted. Oh,yeah and with one year of parenting, you are such a rook! I often think we do it backwards in life. We should work hard until 30, take a break for 5 to 10 years to raise ur kids, then get back at it at age 40 until whenever we want.

Alas that is not how the work career matrix is built. Kudos for finding a way to do it. Most of my dual income couple friends still work full time and leave their kids in daycare. This is a tough situation since you get minimal quality time with your kids and taxes and daycare take a huge bite out of your earnings. So I would recommend those dual income parents to consider downsizing their life so one parent can stay home. Being a parent is no joke, so spending quality time with your kids is key.

We got really lucky and found a great babysitter. We switched our schedules around so we could pick them up early enough to have time with them after work we did alternate schedule. We took them to the park, did crafts, took the time to play and enjoy. Whatever you do as a parent, spend quality time with your kids, it will pay off. But having both of us around all the time has been such an amazing opportunity for our child now 20 months old. Love it, and heartily endorse this post! Life got so much easier when our kid started kindergarten.

I think taking time off work from when kids are 2 until they goes to kindergarten would be perfect. Well, maybe subconsciously or some kind of facial recognition background thing. The issue is that many people choose to have more than 1 kid. Then the break can go on and on. By the time, all the kids are in school, your skills are outdated. I think you did it just right for your personality. I was lucky my mom stayed at home with me as a baby until late preschool age while my dad worked. I think that really helped us bond and have such a strong relationship.

From my experience before age five not every kid benefits from being at home with mom and dad, nor is every parent wired to do that. I love my kids, but my oldest needed the managed structure of daycare before five. Our youngest on other hand is fine to be at home with mom and dad all day long. Having to leave her to go to work while she was a baby crushed me. My wife went down to part-time and everything was good with both of them, but I felt left out somewhat. You lose the years of money toward retirement, but I think the bigger concern is paying the bills.

Many families have themselves in a position that even if one spouse lost temporarily their job for example, they risk going into foreclosure. Good point and you are right. There is a Financial benefit though, and that is saving money on daycare costs and transportation costs For at least the first two years. I imagine it is tough to balance the two. Unfortunately what I have seen happen with many new parents I work with is that both their parenting and their work suffers because they try to split their attention, get worn out, and just in general underperform.

My son was in a full time preschool starting at age 2, which he loved. If I picked him up early, he complained! I agree. I thought the part of the article about pre-school time recommendations was a little obnoxious. Everyone is different. There are others that do have M-F everyday, but they also say do not leave your kids all day for they want to be with their parents. For example, three pre-schools for 2 year olds have this curriculum: two days a week for hours a day. At three years old they move to 3 days a week for hours a day, and only until is it everyday.

You can think the times are obnoxious, or you can ask whether something else is going on wrt work and child raising. There is nothing wrong with chasing the money. The vast majority of people I know cannot quit the money. And then many more I talk to afterward say they wish they spent more time with their kids growing up. No worries, they get to sleep and play and have fun. As a lawyer as noted elsewhere in these comments it is damn near impossible to leave the profession and get back in.

We both have taken extended leaves and are fortunate to have flexibility in our work schedules. Our children also were in nanny shares with one other kid and our nanny is like family to us. Not exactly throwing them to the wolves. If its not about the money than why would 2 highly educated adults choose to have someone else raise their kids in the most formative years of their life? As their parents surely you think you could do a better job. I apologize for being judgemental. You could be the perfect family for all I know.

Want to keep grabbing for the brass ring at work, chances are your family life will suffer. As for me, I know I made the right call to step back from the rat race to get more quality time at home, even if it meant taking a big paycut. If you can get over the hump of having a nanny until the kids start school you are home free. My job is extremely flexible. I drop the kids off at school 2nd grade and pre-K everyday and I pick my son up at 2pm and then hop in the carpool line to pick up our daughter right when she gets out of school.

My oldest was in daycare in my building full time until she was 4 and when we had our second I switched to part time and they were there about 6 hours per day. Then we had 3 two years later and I continued to work part time until she was 2 had to vest in my state pension. You can spend plenty of time with kids even if you work and our daycare was wonderful. My husband spends less time with them during the week due to work, but seems to get in a good amount of time with them on the weekend.

While having time off from is great, I think having time off or more flexible work schedules from are really important too. My son is almost 1 years old and we plan to have a 2nd child in the next few years. By the time my kids are between years old, I should be able to find more flexible work to spend more time going to soccer games, school plays, and mentoring them. Realistically, most people are not going to be able to afford to have both parents off from work. I think the traditional model of one stay at home parent, and 1 worker parent is a good arrangement. I think more people could accomplish this if they really put their minds to it.

We moved from SoCal to Atlanta to allow this for our family so my wife could stay at home. We chose a lifestyle to allow us to do this. I know some families will need both spouses working, but I think far less families need this if people are willing to make some sacrifices. Rather than argue with most of what you stated I will take my lowly 6 years of parenting experience and suggest you bookmark this post for another day sometime when your little one is 2. I do believe your description of the 5 year gap is woefully oversimplified.

She had her children, went all in for them and stepped away from her career for 10 years. Upon returning, I hired her as my junior employee even though she was 13 years my senior. She is a wonderful, talented engineer and an amazing person however in my industry your defining value is your record of success. It is often a contract requirement that to be a key person read leader you must have 10 plus years of relevant experience.

To make stepping away more difficult the definition of relevance in my field is recency. Some industries, especially male dominated math and science ones yet another hot topic are very unforgiving of breaks and highly suspicious of those folks especially women who take even the shortest of breaks past the pathetic 8 weeks of maternity leave as the question of your dedication to career over family is asked and the possibility of additional children exists.

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This is an observable issue as it took my co-worker over 8 months of interviewing to get her job offer in a field with negative unemployment. Ultimately you have to do what is right for you and your family. I can only forecast five years into the future. Hi Sam, Your reasoning is fine, but most people choose to have more than one child and then you are really beginning to add up years out of the traditional work force.

I have a law degree, and am married to a physician. I was the one to leave my job which I really hated anyway , and I stayed home to raise the kids. We have 3, and they are really spread out, so arguably, I would have been out of the workforce for 13 years by the time the youngest was in kindergarten.

That is too long a time to return to prior career in my opinion. By that point, I was unemployable in prior field.

I also had a husband who was a medical resident, working hours a week for 5 years while he trained. So almost ALL of the child care was on me with the first child. Yet even in this class of universe-denters, Musk stands out. After cofounding a series of Internet companies, including PayPal, the South African transplant could simply have retired to enjoy his riches. Instead he decided to disrupt the most difficult-to-master industries in the world.

At 41 he is reinventing the car with Tesla, which is building all-electric vehicles in a Detroit-scale factory. Wired profiled this venture in issue He is transforming energy with SolarCity, a startup that leases solar-power systems to homeowners. And he is leading the private space race with SpaceX, which is poised to replace the space shuttle and usher us into an interplanetary age. Since Musk founded the company in , it has developed a series of next-generation rockets that can deliver payloads to space for a fraction of the price of legacy rockets. In SpaceX became the first private company to launch a spacecraft into orbit and bring it back; in it sent a craft to berth successfully with the International Space Station.

My background educationally is physics and economics, and I grew up in sort of an engineering environment—my father is an electromechanical engineer. And so there were lots of engineery things around me. When I asked for an explanation, I got the true explanation of how things work. I also did things like make model rockets, and in South Africa there were no premade rockets: I had to go to the chemist and get the ingredients for rocket fuel, mix it, put it in a pipe.

Musk: I never had a job where I made anything physical. I cofounded two Internet software companies, Zip2 and PayPal. So it took me a few years to kind of learn rocket science, if you will. Musk: In , once it became clear that PayPal was going to get sold, I was having a conversation with a friend of mine, the entrepreneur Adeo Ressi, who was actually my college housemate. He was asking me what I would do after PayPal. But, I went on, it seemed clear that we would send people to Mars. Anderson: And of course there was nothing.

Why was there no plan, no schedule? There was nothing. It seemed crazy. Musk: But the United States is a nation of explorers. America is the spirit of human exploration distilled. After spending two days in a graduate physics program at Stanford, drops out to start Zip2, an online publishing platform for the media industry. Forms PayPal by merging his new online-payments startup, X.

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Establishes the Musk Foundation to provide grants for renewable energy, space, and medical research as well as science and engineering education. PayPal goes public; its stock rises more than 54 percent on the first day of trading. Musk founds SpaceX. Helps create SolarCity, which provides solar-power systems to some 33, buildings. Will serve as the company chair. Makes a cameo appearance in Iron Man 2. Musk: So I started with a crazy idea to spur the national will. I called it the Mars Oasis missions. The idea was to send a small greenhouse to the surface of Mars, packed with dehydrated nutrient gel that could be hydrated on landing.

If I could afford it, I figured it would be a worthy expenditure of money, with no expectation of financial return. Musk: Right. So I started to price it out. The spacecraft, the communications, the greenhouse experiment: I figured out how to do all that for relatively little. But then came the rocket—the actual propulsion from Earth to Mars. Without the nukes, obviously.